I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
