Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
