you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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