That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
