I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
