If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
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