I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
