Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
