I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Girls should come with a carfax report
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
