I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
