What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
