Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
