if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
