Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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