I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
