remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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