I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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