I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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