i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
