I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
pop tarts are not kleenex
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
