Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
