I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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