i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
