i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
