absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
