I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
