The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
