I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
