I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
