I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
