Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
