dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
