everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
