So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
