worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
