Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
