the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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