I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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