We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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