I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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