During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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