and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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