been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
