i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
