Everything about him screamed your future.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
