I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize