i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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