Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
