Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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