I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Boobs are out for the taking
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
