new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
