drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
