living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
