Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
