ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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