You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
