Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
