she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
