Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
