no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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