What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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