WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
