Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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